I AM MATTER

She was mediocre. She wrote about things nobody cared about. But she tried to improve.

She tried on the headscarf because she thought it would be liberating. She filled her mind with Rābiʿa al-ʿAdawiyya, Ayn Rand, Simone de Beauvoir — three women who agreed on nothing except that the soul matters more than the room says it does. She followed beauty influencers to learn how to be loved. She got into a prestigious university, took a degree in criminology, and then walked straight into a corporate career where the degree is useless and nobody asks.

And she was miserable about it.

But you wouldn’t know, because the checklist is working. Her teeth glow now, thanks to insurance. Fancy dinner every week with colleagues. Travel abroad once a month. A daily TikTok story of her life: sipping coffee beside a MacBook — not a laptop, a MacBook.

She needs a hobby. Not kpop — that’s for girls starved of love. Not movies — that’s for drama queens. It has to be a hobby acceptable to society. It must be pop culture, but the right pop culture: the most authentic pop star who is not normie but elegant. Ahh, she should go to a concert. That will fix it.

She is an independent woman. All men are losers now; she makes more money than any of them could. She makes around fifty million rupiah a month — oh wait, that’s just $3k. That’s lower class in America. Does that mean she’s lower class?

Oh no. She should do charity.

She should visit an orphanage and tell the children they should have dreams, and achieve their dreams like her. And she should tell them the secret: only control what you can control. No social media. Don’t read the news — no genocide, no incompetent politicians, no demonstrations, no poor people, no criminals. All of it is worthless noise. We just need to see the beauty in everything. Positive, positive, positive.

So their souls can be complete like hers. So we can all forget everything that actually matters.

After all — what matters?

I AM MATTER.

That’s where the mantra always lands. She tells herself every morning, face in the mirror: I’m beautiful, I love myself, everything is perfect. I’m happy, I’m happy.

Oh God, she’s really happy.

Drafted with AI assistance from my personal journal (2025-05-05), then edited by me. See On AI Assistance.